Who Is IFS Therapy Best For?

It’s always interesting to me what happens internally for me in conversations where people find out I’m a therapist. Usually, they’ll ask things like “Oh cool—what kind of therapy do you practice?”, or “So… what kind of clients do you see?”

They’re simple questions. But I never quite know how to answer them in a sentence or two, because the truth is, I don’t think in diagnoses or demographics. I think in nervous systems. I think in spirals. I think in her.

The woman who finds her way to my work doesn’t always know what she’s looking for. But she knows she’s tired—of overfunctioning, of overthinking, of performing emotional stability while something inside her keeps slipping.

So when people ask, “Who is IFS therapy best for?”— these are the women I think about.

IFS is for the woman who looks emotionally competent on the outside - but privately Googles “why do I feel broken?”

You’ve built a whole identity around being the one who gets it. The grounded one. The one who gives her friends better advice than her damn therapist does. You’re the one people lean on when they’re falling apart, and no one would look at you and think she’s unraveling.

But in your quieter moments - the nights you lie in bed unable to sleep, you feel like something is cracked underneath all that clarity. You don’t say it out loud - but you think it all the time, because you feel it all the time: this quiet ache. This split between how put-together you look and how chaotic it feels to be you. Like no matter how well you can explain yourself, there’s a part of you that’s still asking, what’s wrong with me?

IFS will meet you with permission to stop managing the optics of being okay and start getting to know the parts of you that aren’t.

IFS is for the woman who thinks in spirals, talks in disclaimers, and then wonders why she’s exhausted.

You’ve been narrating your way through life for years. Explaining. Over-clarifying. Rewording and softening so you don’t sound too direct, or dramatic, or needy. You work so hard to make it easy for people to connect to - and you still end up feeling misunderstood.

You want to feel less scrambled - but you also don’t know how to not do this. It’s like there’s this whole part of you whose job is to do all the overexplaining, the filtering, the hyper-self-awareness so you don’t get hurt. It’s reflex. And it’s working—sort of. You’re safe-ish. Happy-ish. But you’re also tired. 

Internal Family Systems therapy can help you understand how that part of you got that job in the first place, and help you get to the place where you feel safe enough to just… speak.

IFS is for the woman who can analyze every feeling—but doesn’t actually know how to feel them.

You’re brilliant in your head. You know your patterns, your partner’s patterns, and your mom’s cousin’s step-daughter’s patterns. You probably even know your attachment style and your enneagram type. Your internal monologue could teach a class on emotional intelligence. 

But the second something actually touches you—rage, grief, fear—it feels like your system short-circuits. Or shuts down. Or explodes.

You don’t know how to be in a feeling without trying to fix it. You don’t know how to feel something without immediately looking for the cleanest way out of it.

IFS therapy doesn’t make you more or less emotional. It helps you stop being so scared of the parts of you that just are emotional.

IFS is for the woman who’s either invisible or “too much.” There’s no safe middle.

It’s like your system only has two modes: silence or wildfire. And either way, you’re the one who feels like shit afterward.

You know how to disappear. You know how to stay quiet. You know how to put someone else’s needs first. You’ve done it for years.

And then—when something hits a nerve—you explode. You say too much. You cry harder than you wanted to. You suddenly feel twelve years old again and full of rage you don’t quite understand.

IFS doesn’t begrudge you complexity and nuance - it helps you hold internal contradictions together and teaches you to build a bridge between them.

IFS is for the woman who doesn’t really trust anyone - including herself.

You’ve learned to scan the room before you speak. Even with friends and family, there’s a part of you always calculating: will this person actually hear me? Or will I have to manage their reactions, too?

So you don’t open up easily. Not really - because transparency ≠ vulnerability, right? #iykyk. You second-guess everything. You gaslight your own gut. You apologize for things that aren’t even yours. You say “I don’t know” when deep down, a part of you absolutely does.

IFS doesn’t ask you to trust what doesn’t feel safe—it gives you a way to feel safe with yourself.

IFS is for the woman who’s tired of shrinking to stay in her marriage - but terrified of blowing it up.

You haven’t made a decision. You don’t know if you should leave. But you also don’t know if it’s fixable. You’re emotionally overfunctioning and emotionally starving, and you’ve gotten so good at pretending you’re fine, you almost believe it. Almost.

You keep thinking that if you could just communicate better, or be less reactive, or stop making it about you, things would feel easier. But nothing feels easy. And a small part of you keeps whispering, I don’t think it’s supposed to be this hard.

Internal Family Systems therapy doesn’t hand you a verdict - it helps you ask better questions and find something more powerful: clarity.

Is IFS Therapy in St. Louis, MO, Right for You?

IFS was made for women like you—the ones who are smart, high-functioning, and secretly unraveling. If that’s the kind of internal world you’re carrying, that’s the kind of work I do with my 1:1 therapy clients. You can start your therapy journey with Good Woman Therapy by clicking the button below.

Other Services Offered at Good Woman Therapy

Curious to learn more about IFS? Send me a message! As an IFS therapist, I love helping women and fellow therapists navigate their everyday lives with greater ease using Internal Family Systems Therapy. I also specialize in therapy for stress & overwhelm, inner critics, perfectionism, peacekeeping, and relationship concerns. My office is located in Ballwin, MO and I help everyday women navigate their everyday lives with greater ease by offering both in-person counseling as well as online therapy to clients throughout Creve Coeur, Ladue, Town and Country, Chesterfield, and St. Peters. I also provide online therapy Missouri -wide to clients outside the St. Louis and St. Charles County area. You can view my availability and self-schedule a free, 20-minute consultation on my consultation page.