Why are Millennial Women Obsessed with Therapy?
I saw this post from Dr. Becky the other day — the one about how we’ve overcorrected from “kids’ feelings don’t matter” to “kids’ feelings decide everything.” It stopped me.
Dr. Becky (Kennedy), the psychologist behind Good Inside, has become something of a millennial mom whisperer. Her take on parenting isn’t just about raising kids — it’s about how we were raised. And that post, in particular, nailed something I see in almost every millennial woman I work with in therapy - the tension between feelings and boundaries.
It also got me thinking about the stereotype: millennial women are “obsessed” with therapy. We read the books, listen to the podcasts, and talk about feelings, trauma, boundaries, and attachment styles like it’s our full-time job.
But what if that “obsession” actually makes perfect sense?
Because what Dr. Becky describes about parenting - ignoring a child’s emotions vs letting them take over and dictate everything? It’s a cultural pendulum, and no one has more whiplash from it than millennial women.
The Pendulum Problem
After all, we were raised in it.
We (or our parents) grew up in households where emotions were inconvenient. “Stop crying.” “You’re fine.” “Don’t be dramatic.” “I don’t care how you feel - you can’t talk to me like that.”
When the adults around us couldn’t handle big feelings, we learned they were dangerous — too much, too loud, too messy. So we learned to manage by shrinking, numbing, or talking ourselves out of what we felt.
Now, the pendulum has swung the other way. This generation is trying to undo all that - we’re raising kids to believe their emotions matter. We validate. We empathize. We stay curious.
But sometimes, our well-intentioned care and consideration for experience slides into an overcorrection of the problem we’re trying to address. We wind up treating every feeling like it’s a fact. We bend rules, change plans, and remove challenges.
It sounds kind, but it can - and does - backfire.
It teaches kids (and adults) that validation equals/requires agreement — and that you can’t feel understood or respected or loved unless someone agrees with you.
The thing about pendulums is that without intervention, they don’t stop in the middle — they swing just as far the other way. I mean - that’s physics.
And when it comes to feelings vs boundaries in parenting, neither extreme works. Too little validation teaches us that emotions are unsafe. Too much teaches us that emotions are in charge.
The goal is to be right in the middle — holding both feeling and boundary.
Unfortunately, most millennial women are in the middle - but we don’t occupy the middle; we’re stuck in it like a lifelong tug of war. And the constant tension between feelings and boundaries is at the heart of the relationship pattern nearly every millennial woman I know is trying to unlearn.
Why It Lands on Millennial Women
After all, we grew up in one extreme and now live in the other.
We were raised in a world that taught us to suppress emotions — and now we’re in a culture that tells us to center them. We know how to name what we feel, but not always what to do with it. We can talk about emotions fluently but still feel lost when it’s time to lead them.
That’s because the middle space — feeling and leadership — wasn’t modeled for us.
Dr. Becky’s work is influenced by Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapy model that teaches how to hold both compassion and leadership inside ourselves. That’s exactly what this generation of women is trying to learn — how to stay connected to what we feel without letting it run the show.
We’re the first generation trying to lead both our kids and our own inner worlds with sturdiness.
Why We’re “Obsessed” with Therapy
So yes — we go to therapy. We talk about therapy. We send our friends podcasts about therapy. And we get labeled as obsessed.
But if you were an adult who didn’t know how to read and finally learned, you’d want to get your hands on every book you could. You wouldn’t call that being obsessed - you’d call it catching up.
That’s what therapy is doing for us. It’s giving us the education we didn’t get — not just emotional literacy, but the skills to use it.
Dr. Becky says kids are born with all of the feelings and none of the skills. That was us, too. We were born with all the feelings and got two opposite lessons: first, that feelings don’t matter; then, that feelings should decide everything. No wonder we’re fucking confused sometimes!
Neither one worked. The truth is somewhere in between — feelings and boundaries - and the bridge? Skills.
Therapy is where we practice that balance in real time. It’s where we learn to notice our feelings, validate them, and still decide what needs to happen next. It’s where we learn to hold both.
The “Good Inside” Connection
Dr. Becky tells parents their kid isn’t a bad kid — they’re a good kid having a hard time. Given that I named my therapy practice Good Woman Therapy, it should come as no surprise that I wholeheartedly believe that’s true for adults, too.
You’re not a bad woman. You’re a good woman having a hard time.
Because that shift — from “something’s wrong with me” to “I’m good and I’m struggling” — changes everything. It separates who you are from what you’re going through. It takes the shame out of being human.
That’s what “good inside” really means. It’s not a free pass for bad behavior or a soft-focus affirmation. It’s a reminder that we can hold both truth and grace at the same time.
And that same idea applies whether you’re a mom, a partner, a friend, or just a person trying to get through the day without feeling like you’re failing.
The Therapist’s Middle Ground
With millennial women in therapy more than any generation before us, it’s worth pointing out that the field of therapy has actually played a part in the very pendulum swing many clients are grappling with.
In trying to correct decades of emotional neglect, therapy leaned hard toward constant validation — and in the process, blurred the line between being understood and being agreed with.
It’s not malicious. It’s just human - and like most overcorrections, it was well intentioned.
When you’ve spent your life feeling unseen or minimized during conflict, agreement feels like safety. But they’re not the same thing. And when therapists over-validate, we accidentally reinforce the idea that safety only exists when someone sees things our way.
RaQuel Hopkins (The Capacity Expert) talks about this a lot — how “comfort” has become our stand-in for safety, and how real growth can’t happen there. She’s right. Therapy isn’t supposed to always feel good. It’s supposed to help you build capacity — to stay with discomfort long enough to learn from it.
That’s why I think IFS holds up better than most models. It builds in both compassion and leadership — two things that were never meant to be separate. It helps you stay connected to your experience and feel what you feel - without being ruled by it. It doesn’t coddle, but it doesn’t shame either.
And that’s the balance we all need to find — not comfort, not correction, but capacity.
The Real Answer
So why are millennial women so obsessed with therapy?
We’re not - we’re obsessed with becoming sturdy. Therapy is just the thing helping us get there.
It’s like my son, who is currently learning to read. Suddenly, the whole world is opening up to him, and he can’t get enough. He wants to read ev-er-y-thing.
That’s not obsession - that’s hunger for more of a good thing.
We’re just feeding ourselves.
Start Working with A Therapist for Women in St. Louis, MO
If you’re a millennial woman craving steadiness between feelings and boundaries, I’d love to help. As an IFS-informed therapist for women in St. Louis, MO, I can offer support in becoming more sturdy with compassionate care. You can start your therapy journey with Good Woman Therapy by clicking the button below!
Other Services Offered at Good Woman Therapy
Curious to learn more about women’s therapy? Send me a message! As an IFS therapist, I love helping women and fellow therapists navigate their everyday lives with greater ease using Internal Family Systems Therapy and specialize in therapy for stress & overwhelm, inner critics, perfectionism, peacekeeping, and relationship concerns. My office is located in Ballwin, MO and I help everyday women navigate their everyday lives with greater ease by offering both in-person counseling as well as online therapy to clients throughout Creve Coeur, Ladue, Town and Country, Chesterfield, and St. Peters. I also provide online therapy Missouri -wide to clients outside the St. Louis and St. Charles County area. You can view my availability and self-schedule a free, 20-minute consultation on my consultation page.
