IFS therapy offers a revolutionary approach to healing and self-discovery because, unlike traditional therapy, IFS doesn't focus on fixing you. Instead, it guides you towards understanding and befriending various parts of yourself. That's the power of IFS - reworking the relationship you have with yourself, and by extension, others.

As an IFS counselor in St. Louis, I rely on analogies and metaphors whenever I'm explaining IFS to clients. I picked cooking to discuss how to prepare for IFS therapy because when I think of preparation, my automatic association is meal prep. When I’m cooking, I like to prepare in generalities and only dig into the specifics once I actually start cooking. This approach applies to therapy too. Just like you wouldn't start cooking without some basic understanding of the recipe, it's helpful to have a sense of what to expect before diving into therapy. So, here’s my take on how to prepare for IFS therapy.

Asking how long therapy will take is like asking how long it will take to get through security at the airport: it varies, and it’s often a bit longer than you’d like. However, in my opinion, it’s more pleasant and certainly more rewarding than any interaction with TSA. Just saying.

Sometimes, my job as a therapist is to share a hard truth with clients. Today, I’ll cut right to it: dealing with difficult feelings starts by learning that your feelings are real – and – they may not be reflective of reality. it's okay to feel a certain way, even if it doesn't fully align with the reality of the situation, and it's important not to invalidate your emotions because they're a part of you. This introspective process can be empowering, liberating, and ultimately, healing.

It’s a darkly ironic circular problem – you’re too exhausted to give any space or energy to addressing your exhaustion. So, let me help by telling you in plain English –  you need to ask for help.

"Both can be true" - this is a little nugget I offer to clients when they are torn between their feelings and their feelings about their feelings (humans are unique in that way). When we dig into those struggles, most clients describe experiencing a tug-of-war going on inside of them.

You can’t let go of something you don’t own. This is quickly becoming my new mantra in regard to dealing with difficult emotions. We think we don't know what to do with difficult emotions, but in my personal and professional life, I’ve found that the best approach to dealing with difficult emotions is actually fairly logical.

I really love that I cuss. Like, it might be in my top-ten-favorite-things-about-myself list. It is not, however, on my husband’s top-ten-things-I-love-about-my-wife list and realizing this caused me to get curious about why I love profanity so much.

Like most things in life, self-care is totally relative. It’s the intention behind, motivation for, and the result of an activity that determines whether or not something is self-care. The best self-care activities are things that either move us toward where we want to be or, when we’re happy with where are, help us stay there.