Curiosity works because when it's genuine, it's truly agenda-free. Ever notice how when you're frustrated with yourself about why you do XYZ thing in conflict, you get 0% closer to figuring out why you do that thing? Or to...not doing it anymore?

That's because the part of you doing the thing you hate feels defensive; you're trying to change it before truly understanding it.

Sometimes, my job as a therapist is to share a hard truth with clients. Today, I’ll cut right to it: dealing with difficult feelings starts by learning that your feelings are real – and – they may not be reflective of reality. it's okay to feel a certain way, even if it doesn't fully align with the reality of the situation, and it's important not to invalidate your emotions because they're a part of you. This introspective process can be empowering, liberating, and ultimately, healing.

It’s a darkly ironic circular problem – you’re too exhausted to give any space or energy to addressing your exhaustion. So, let me help by telling you in plain English –  you need to ask for help.

"Both can be true" - this is a little nugget I offer to clients when they are torn between their feelings and their feelings about their feelings (humans are unique in that way). When we dig into those struggles, most clients describe experiencing a tug-of-war going on inside of them.

You can’t let go of something you don’t own. This is quickly becoming my new mantra in regard to dealing with difficult emotions. We think we don't know what to do with difficult emotions, but in my personal and professional life, I’ve found that the best approach to dealing with difficult emotions is actually fairly logical.

I really love that I cuss. Like, it might be in my top-ten-favorite-things-about-myself list. It is not, however, on my husband’s top-ten-things-I-love-about-my-wife list and realizing this caused me to get curious about why I love profanity so much.

Like most things in life, self-care is totally relative. It’s the intention behind, motivation for, and the result of an activity that determines whether or not something is self-care. The best self-care activities are things that either move us toward where we want to be or, when we’re happy with where are, help us stay there.

Today, I’m going to write about what I offer in therapy to my clients – which might be different from what you’ve experienced before or from what other clinicians offer. IFS isn't the only kind of therapy out there – this is just the space I live in as a therapist. And I love what I do because I see it bring such relief to my clients every single day.

Finding relief when you’ve been hijacked by your emotions is all about nurturing a healthier relationship with your thoughts and feelings.